Monday, November 7, 2011

Stuck in a Rut

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
-Ecclesiastes 3:11

There are times in our lives when we endure various trials and stuggles. Sometimes it seems like thats all life is about. It's funny, because growing up I've never been the person to think when I hear a sermon about persevering that it applies to me. I've always been a patient person, perhaps its from waiting on my dad talking all these years (I like to think so). And being a pastor's daughter I've always seen what others have to go through and the day to day troubles that wear them down, which has been a humbling experience on my part. With that said, I rarely get convicted about persevering and enduring hardships because I've never considered my troubles worthy of worrying about.

But that's not what this post is all about. This past week has been physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausting. With both my husband and I working full time and having conflicting schedules along with our daily routine of things, it has been....well.....desensitizing to our excitement and enthusiasm. And when that comes along it affects us in a variety of ways. The word we use to describe this feeling is "blah". Usually, we've learned over the past, when one of us is feeling blah the other one is always quite the opposite and we're able to help and encourage one another. But this time we were both blah. We were both stuck.

At first we're completely clueless of why it is we feel "blah", but then its hits us. For a while we've been talking about possible locations where God is calling us. We know we are supposed to be doing something more in our ministry, and we've been praying earnestly for quite some time but no actions have been made. So with this burdened feeling and not a clue what we're supposed to be doing exactly, we're stuck in a rut.

One thing that I'm constantly convicted of, is that its not all about my marriage, my family, my friends, my job, my appearance, etc. Dont get me wrong, God put me and Ash together for a reason. We're joined together to do His work as one and bring Him glory. But its so much more than that. It's about God and our eagerness to do His work. Its about ministry. Its about the Gospel. Its about the Church. It's about missions. It's about humbleness. It's not about me. This is the part where I tell you my struggle... Since I first felt God's call in my life, my desire has been to live for Him, to do what He wants me to do and to share His word with everyone. I want to be totally dedicated to ministry. Constantly immersed in the Bible. Unceasingly caring for others. I WANT to grow. I NEED to grow. Who will mentor me? Who will teach me? This is my struggle. Knowing that we're meant to be doing something else but stuck in where we're currently at.

Yesterday, as I was doing my daily reading, one of the readings was Ecclesiastes 3. I've read it before but it was like I was looking at it for the first time. God has made everything beautiful in its time. Everything beautiful. When I think about that, I think of all those walks I take and just stopping to take a moment to appreciate creation, admire all that God has given us. Even in all the chaos and uphill battles there is still beauty if you look for it. Now this is the part that really gets me.... "He has set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." We dont always see the big picture. We're left with what we can see at the present time with no idea whats to come. The fact that we understand there is eternity, that God is omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent, and that that's only some of what God has revealed to us baffles me. I know we're going through this time for a purpose. I know God is using it to prepare us for what is next, yet I do not know what it is. But I know that this momentary struggle does not compare to what is to come. My only prayer is that my life and how I serve Him will bring Him glory.

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